The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
