She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
