White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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