He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
