god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
