If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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