Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
