1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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