The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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