I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
