Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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