Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
