It's Friday. Sex?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
