is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
