this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
