Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
