He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
