Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
