You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
