i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
