yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
