Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
