At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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