How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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