I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
