he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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