Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
