So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
