I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
