somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
