Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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