i think my tv is drunk
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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