I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
