How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
