Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
porn star boner night. come get it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
