thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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