he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
