she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
