I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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