The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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