shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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