I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
