My underwear smells like fireworks.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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