Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
