i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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