Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
PANTIES FOUND
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
