Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
