the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
