Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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