no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
