that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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