it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
