i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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