I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
