I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
