I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
