handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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