jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
