i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
